Hmm…

I haven’t been posting here; I’d say I felt bad, but no one reads this anyway. So yeah. I’m depressed. It seems like I don’t know anything about anyone. Yeah. My own boyfriend. Turns out he’s bi. He never told me. I don’t have a problem with it, but…he always made me think he was soooo straight. I just don’t know anymore…I sent him his Christmas gifts…he liked them… *Sigh.* I don’t know…I’ve just been completely miserable for the past two days. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have so much that needs doing and I just don’t feel like doing any of it. All I want to do is just give up. Nothing seems to matter anymore, and nothing I do is good enough. I feel like I’m trying my best, but my best just isn’t enough…I feel so pathetic…so useless and worthless…I know Kavi-heart loves me, but…I never feel good enough for him. I want to make him happy, but…My brother says it will be years before we can be together. Years. Can I really ask him to wait that long for me? It seems so unfair…I would give anything, anything to be with him…To wake up every morning to see him smiling at me, or to watch him sleep…I need him so badly. He’s like air, or water. Necessary for my survival. I need him. I love him so much…God…why can’t I just be with him? Why? I need a miracle, I need some help…I need it badly, and I need it soon…

“I’m looking at you through the glass…don’t know how much time has passed; all I know is that it feels like forever, but no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head…”

“Through The Glass.” -Stone Sour.-

Twilight.

Yes. That’s right. I went to see Twilight the day it came out. It was freaking AMAZING. It was Tobi, Maru, Jor, and Mikey and me. We had a great time! The day started off with school, blah, blah, boring. And then Maru, Tobi, and I all crammed into Tobi’s car and we headed off, listening to the Twilight soundtrack on the way to Tobi’s house. We hung out there for a while, just walking around in the woods and talking, and then we went inside and started looking around Tobi’s room, playing with the swords, looking at all the Kingdom Hearts and Naruto stuff…after we got bored with that, we got on the computer and started listening to music. It was great. We were singing along and dancing and…yeah.

So we got ready for the movies, and we went and picked up Jor and Mikey and once more crammed into the car; then we went to Wendy’s and scared all the nice people there while eating french fries. It was awesome. By the time we got back in the car, we were totally psyched about the movie, and we drove over to the theater and bought our tickets super-early. And since we had some time to burn, we started moving around the strip mall. We went to a store and 1.) The boys almost got me to dress up lingerie for them and 2.) Almost got kicked out for the previous reason. So after we left there, we just started walking down, laughing too loud and acting like the jackass teens we are. We went into an electronics store, which I had to drag the boys out of before they broke something.

And finally, we headed back to the theater. We waited for like fifteen minutes for the credits to be over, and the minute the door opened, we ran inside. We got our seats and were promptly told to get out until they said we could go inside. Which they finally did. Before the movie started, we were all taking pictures and having a great time…and the minute the word “Twilight” flashed onto the screen, everyone began screaming. But as soon as the movie actually started, there was dead silence; I have never in my life seen a quieter movie theater. It was great.

And then the Cullens appeared. Instantly everyone in the theater is screaming again. “EDWARD!!!”

So instantly, I shout: “Jasper!!” <3

And the moment it starts to quiet down, Tobi, sweet, male, straight Tobi, yells: “Jacob!”

I have never in my life seen so many people glare at one person in such perfect unison. It was just amazing. And then we all focused on the movie; I nearly died when he stood behind Bella…“Say it, Bella. Out loud. I want to hear you say it!” I scratched Maru’s arm until he bled. Poor thing. Oh well. That’s what he gets for letting me hold his hand during a movie that plays with my emotions. I scratch. X3

After the movie, we all screamed again, and stayed just to listen to the music. It was great. And now we all just want to see it again. In the car on the way home, we made a pact to go see all the movies together! I can’t wait for New Moon! <3

Edward: “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.”

Bella: “What a stupid lamb.”

Edward: “What a sick, masochistic lion…”

-Twilight

Fundraising.

Why do they call it this? I’m having no fun at all. I’m running fundraisers to get money to pay my tuition for a trip to England and France this summer. It’s not fun, and whoever decided that the ‘fun’ in ‘fundraiser’ actually described it is an idiot. I’m selling brownies. Freaking brownies, at a dollar a piece.

I have to earn $7,000. Yeah. That’s a lot of brownies.

Oh well. Enough complaining. I’m currently RPing with Kavi-kun…he got his phone turned back on. I’m so happy. ^-^ <3 I missed talking to him so much, as I’m sure I’ve stated elsewhere in my blogs.

Hahaha, and Barack Obama won the election; boy, I bet my dad was PISSED. He is the epitomy of racist. I thought he was going to have a stroke when I told him that I was dating a black boy. *Giggles.* He stopped talking to me for three weeks after that. Oh well.

I’m waiting to get in touch with my brother; I haven’t talked to him in a long time, and I’m honestly missing him…He’s an arrogant dumbass, but I love him all the same. I hope we can talk again soon.

I’m all out of incense, and it’s driving me insane! And I fell asleep with candles burning in my room last night…yeah, not the smartest ideal. *Shrugs.* That’s okay. I woke up. >w<

…This time. -insert dramatic music here.- >D

“When I look to the sky, between the narrow roofs…it reminds me of you, the one who is far, far away.”

-Naruto

Well now.

Isn’t this fun? I’m sitting in my school library pretending to be studying the Great Depression. Hooray. Homecoming was last Friday night; the dance was just ridiculous. It was-and this was bad enough-rodeo themed. Who the hell themes Homecoming?! But what made it worse? They couldn’t even stick to the theme. It was horrible; they didn’t even play any country music. It was all rap, for around two hours. I sat in a corner and listened to Ca-nee-chan’s iPod.

But what made it really bad was the fact that it was Senior Night for Kavi-kun…He wanted me to escort him. i wish I could have; when I read that, I started crying, right there in the middle of the Homecoming Dance. I want to be there for him so badly, and it hurts that we can’t be closer…I just wish everything would come out okay.

Also, I have about…oh, 75 days to come up with $1,000 for a trip this summer. Lovely. *Sighs.*

Oh well…time to go. More later, I promise.

"I dreamed I was missing…and you were so scared; but no one would listen…because no one else cared…"

-"Leave Out All the Rest." Linkin Park.-

Research is Gay. Literally.

I’m working on my research paper for English; a persuasive essay on the topic of Gay Marriage. And while I totally support it, I have found that it is very annoying to write about. Coming up with an argument for it isn’t hard, because most of the arguments against it don’t have much structure behind besides prejudice. But it’s hard to put the words into a perfectly written, perfectly formatted paper that is appropriate for my English teacher to read.

But it’s not a big deal, I guess. I wish I could have gone somewhere this weekend…I hate being cooped up in the house. Right now I’m just playing a Halloween game on Gaia; I was a Dark Elf, but when I maxed out that character, I switched to Vampire. And after I get the Vampire stuff, I’ll probably switch to Zombie and leave the humans for last. Because I hate humans. XD Well, most humans.

Also, I’ve decided to start putting quotes in my posts. These will just be little things I’ve picked up here or there that I thought were interesting enough to keep in mind; they may or may not match my mood for each post, just depending, though which one I pick will probably give you a pretty accurate idea of what I’m thinking at the time…

This coming up Tuesday is going to be fun! (That is, October 28.) It’s Homecoming week at school, and we get to dress up for the occasion. Well, turns out that Tuesday is “Character Day” and I bought some red hairspray; Say hello to RENO~! *Laughs.* Yup, I’m playing our favorite red-headed Turk; though I doubt they’ll let me carry that lovely little baton around…*Gigglesnort.* Of course, I can’t blame them. I’d be beating my friends senseless with it. X3

And that’s about all that’s going on with me, except for my angst over not being able to talk to Kavi, which I’m pretty sure everyone has heard enough about from the first two blogs. ^-^;;

“Cry little sister (Thou shall not fall)

Come, come to your brother (Thou shall not fall)

Unchain me sister (Thou shall not fear)

Love is with your brother (Thou shall not kill).”

-Sisters of Mercy, “Cry Little Sister.”

Yay?

Yeah. So. I’m listening to a political debate and waiting for my step-parents to get back with pizza. YAY PIZZA. Anyway…I’m bored out of my mind, and feeling a little sick; Kavi-kun lost his phone, and it’s turned off anyway, so I can’t talk to him…it makes me sad. I miss him so much; my heart twists just thinking about it…

But I have the stars to keep me company. And my new fox plushie. Yay plushie. I’m back from Sky-chan’s…that was an interesting night. We went to a baby shower, where we played some very odd games. There were these plastic babies in ice cubes, and the first one to get their baby out without touching the ice won…so I started blowing on mine, and pressing the cup to warm parts of my body (like the insides of my arms T_T) and waited. So to win, I had to shout “My water broke.”

And then they fed us strawberries. Chocolate-covered strawberries. AKA sex crack, and I immediately hated everyone in the room. X-x; I think about having a kid sometimes…I want two; Alexkzander Delogowri [Insert Last Name] and Saiai Aletheia [Insert Last Name]. An older brother to protect my little girl. *Smiles softly.* It’s a nice thought, in my head. I don’t know what kind of mother I’ll make; I just hope I do better than mine did.

Yeah, so, I think I might try Acid. I promised Kavi I wouldn’t do anything rash, so I’m just thinking about it for now. Since it’s self-destructive and all that. I think me and Sky-chan will take some together…that would be funny as hell. We have a good time without hallucinogens. But I’m going to be a good girlfriend and ask first. <3

I hope he reads this sometime soon…so that he can know that I think about him all the time. He’s my heart, and I can’t go a second of the day without wishing he were right here beside me…There just aren’t enough words, in any language, to express how deeply I feel for him, or how much he means to me.

Je t’aime, le cher, mon couer…Kavi-kun. <3

Introduction!

Hello there…I’m Kitsune Asakura. Though if you’re reading this, I probably gave you the link, so you should already know who I am.

That’s right! I started a blog. Kavi-kun gave me the idea…

It seemed like it would be a fun thing to try, so I did. So if you’re dying to know a bit more about me, and the things I think about, stay tuned! I’ll update this as frequently as I remember to do so. *Sweatdrop.* Which might not be too often…I’ll try to alert everyone when I do so.

I’m heading over to Sky-chan’s house soon…that should be fun. It always is. And we’re going to eat cookies and stay up all night and probably take lots of…*ahem* interesting pictures for Kavi-kun. *Giggles and blushes.* That should be even more fun…Nothing too inappropriate though; she’s straight, I promise!

I’m in a state of constantly missing Kavi…He’s my heart. I love him more than anything. But when I get too lonely without him, I just look up…I know he’s there, somewhere. I hope he’s thinking about me too. I can’t get him off my mind; he’s like a drug, the sweetest addiction I’ve ever know.

And I don’t ever want a cure.